Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
