i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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