Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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