Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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