i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
