carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this will be a night to untag.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
