I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
