I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
