Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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