shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
