It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
