I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
