Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
