do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
