I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I still have a little drunk in my system
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
