is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
