I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
kristin has been a bad kristin
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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