You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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