Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
