no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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