It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
