Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
