1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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