My brain says no but my pants say off.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
