I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
