"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
