I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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