When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
