when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize