There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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