I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
