his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found puke in my bra..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
