Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
