Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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