I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
