It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
