I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there was a trapeze. enough said
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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