My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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