I think my vagina is haunted
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Mom said you looked used
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
