too bad you live with your parents still
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
