theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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