I wanna passion pit in your ass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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