dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
