you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
