If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
