Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize