Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
