how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
