Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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