I'm jealous of your bromance
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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