I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
