i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
