did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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