on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
