i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
