I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
