you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
