yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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