I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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