Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
