I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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