His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
