guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Semen is not good for contacts.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
