We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
