where am i from again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He felt like a one man threesome
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
