my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
