Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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