I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
