Apparently you make a good broom.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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