If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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